A personal question.

[Earl Smith]

THis thread has nothing whatsoever to do with our work. Its a personal question and one which all I want is your opinions on.

I am married but seperated from my wife in December 2012. I am still married to this day because I could not raise the 3,000€ it will cost me to divorce.
I met another woman in April 2013 and I fell head over heels in love with her. But...she is very jealous. ( ah, I hear you all say ). Because of this jealousy (because Im still married) , I had to leave her.

My question is. Im married but seperated, is it ok to go out with other woman? My wife (ex) thinks not, and my now ex girlfriend thinks not because of her jealousy.

What are your thoughts?



THe divorce papers are now signed so in 6 months it wont be a problem.

[viccar]

If you are truly seperated, (ie no sleeping together and living in different houses) then yes i think its fine.

The girlfriend will nearly always be jealous of the ex wife/girfriend especialy if you still have to see then because of children.

[James990]

The fact that you are not living with any woman means that you are in fact free to do as you dam well please, if that means going out with another woman then it has naff all to do with your ex!

You say it will cost a lot of money to divorce her. Do you not have the facilities in Germany to do it yourself? We do over here in the UK, and it then cost next to nothing!

James

[socialgiraffe]

screw em, its your life Earl, not theirs, you have separated from your wife so it has nothing to do with her and if the current girlfriend can not cope then personally I would say its time to move on.

Only thing I say is that be careful you do not fall fowl of reasons for divorce and end up losing money. Although you had separated BEFORE you started dating again make sure your ex wife can not claim otherwise. In England that could result in a lot of money!

Of course, this may all be irrelevant. If you are butt a**e ugly then I would chip in with beggars can't be choosers

[arko]

Hi Earl..... as you know I also lived in Germany. I got divorced in 2001. I didn't have another woman in the play so it was a case of filing the divorce due to a complete marriage breakdown. We both petitioned the divorce at our local Familiengericht in Dortmund and waited the 31 days to be heard by the Familienrichterin who then tried to see if there was any way that we could reconcile the breakdown. After a brief interview, both separately, the Richterin then declared that the divorce would go ahead and we both had to share the court costs. €1100 each....... which was paid by the state. But before the papers were finalised, I met a Polish woman. My ex was visibly jealous when I announced this to my kids when I went to pick them up at the weekend. She then did everything in her power to stop the kids coming to me on weekend (part of the divorce rights) out of spite!. This subsequently got so out of hand that it ended up back in front of the Richterin who favoured my side. My wife had her knuckles rapped and was ordered to pay all hearing costs. Since then, my ex-wife and that Polish woman became friends.....but, I left her due to being too familiar with not only men!...... but in answer to your original question..... of course it is ok.... even if children are in the equation..... separation means just that.... Life is too short to be on your own!

[NikGrey]

I agree with everything that's been said, I have never been married but I don't think that matters at all - I don't know the 'Ins and Outs' and the 'Legalities' but what I most strongly agree with is this:

Life is too short to be on your own!

[Ali P]

Jealousy is borne out of mistrust. If a partner can't trust you, where is the future in that? I have to say that if I were to meet a man of a certain age who had no history (ie. ex wife, ex girlfriend, children) I would assume he was too good to be true!!
Look after your own happiness and somebody worthy of your affection will join in with you
(Oh and on the down side, have you ever met a destitute divorce solicitor)?!

[Earl Smith]

Hi and thanks to all your replies.
I am now going through the actual divorce. I got notice that its on its way yesterday. I have been seperated from my wife since Jan 2012, we remaim friends but from my side the love is lost. The divorce cost around 2,600€, it cannot be done just by myself, all has to go through the official channels . ( No broke divorce lawyers here) .
I live in a very quiet area of germany if you want to meet people you nearly always have to join a club. Skittles, (mainly men). darts , shooting clubs, ( big on drinking). etc etc. Not many pubs in my area which is BAD. So what I am doing now is going down to Düsseldorf ( a big city with massive night life) every two weekends, joined a fitness studio and am trying to join a club so i can learn to dance. . My friend all seem resigned to being single and have lost the will to look for a partner.
My jealous ex girlfriend I want back but will wait for the divorce before going for it. I have never met anybody like her and love her to bits. She is amazing.

Why my initial question ?
It was really about my jealous exgirlfriend. She thinks that being married to my ex is wrong and hence her jealousy. My initial Q was was I right to go out with someone and still be married.
Answer from all of you is YES.

Thanks.

Time to stop rambling and get on with my work.

[arko]

Even if it doesnt work out with the exgirlfriend, although Im sure it will once your divorce is finalised, love will jump up and bite you on the bum when you least expect it!. Go looking for it and the harder it is to find!. All the very best Earl in whatever you decide and lets hope you have that very special someone with you this Xmas!.

[mrs maggot]

my husband is the best thing i have ever found on the internet !!!!!! we met after chatting on a motorbike forum