DSF

Tax Inspector Jokes

What is the difference between the Kray brothers and a Tax Inspector?..................No - I couldn't see one either.

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A young hotshot graduate gets a job as a Tax Inspector with the Inland Revenue. His first assignment is to audit an old rabbi.

He thinks he'll have a little fun with the old rabbi, so he says, "Rabbi, what do you do with the drippings from the candles?" The rabbi says, "We send them to the candle factory, and every once in a while they send us free, a complete candle".

The Tax Inspector says, "And what do you do with the crumbs from your table?" The rabbi replied politely," We send them to the matzoh ball factory, and every once in a while they send us free, a complete box of matzoh balls".

"So" says the Inspector, "What do you do with the foreskins from your circumcisions?"

The rabbi paused," We send them to the Inland Revenue, and every once in a while they send us free, a complete pr*ck".

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What's the difference between the Great Train Robbers and the Inland Revenue? .....................................The Inland Revenue didn't get caught.

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A tax inspector died and ended up in hell (where else did you expect?) He met up with Genghis Khan. "I don't understand why they have sent me here" he said.

"Well" says Genghis " You must have done some pretty bad things - take my case, I am here for robbery, theft, murder, raping , pillaging and looting - but I still say I did it all in the name of the people".

"There you go," said the tax inspector "My case exactly!"

lol Ian good one

1) The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"


2) The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple. If you use the short form, the government gets your money. If you use the long form, the tax advisor gets your money.


3 )A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 (knowing my own hidden secrets) and Psalm 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the following letter to the IRS:
"I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $150.
If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest."


4) What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?
The taxidermist only takes the skin.


5) Why won't sharks attack tax inspectors? Professional courtesy.


6) "How have you managed to buy such a luxurious villa while your income is so low?" asked the IRS auditor.
"Well," the taxpayer answered, "while fishing last summer I have caught a large golden fish. When I took it off the hook, the fish opened his mouth and said, 'I am a magical fish. Throw me back to the sea and I'll give you the most luxurious villa you have ever seen'. I threw the fish back to the sea, and got the villa."
"How can you prove such an unbelievable story?"
"Well, you can see the villa, can't you?"


7) The kid had swallowed a coin and it got stuck in his throat, and so his mother ran out in the street yelling for help. A man passing by took the boy by his shoulders and hit him with a few strong strokes on the back, and so he coughed the coin out.

"I don't know how to thank you, doc...", his mother started.

"I'm not a doctor", the man replied, "I'm from the IRS".

6) "How have you managed to buy such a luxurious villa while your income is so low?" asked the IRS auditor.
"Well," the taxpayer answered, "while fishing last summer I have caught a large golden fish. When I took it off the hook, the fish opened his mouth and said, 'I am a magical fish. Throw me back to the sea and I'll give you the most luxurious villa you have ever seen'. I threw the fish back to the sea, and got the villa."
"How can you prove such an unbelievable story?"
"Well, you can see the villa, can't you?"

this onis just classic!!! :biggrin: